Today I shaved my head. It was an afternoon filled with so much love, laughter and strength. I feel like there is an assumption that hair loss has to always be traumatic for the individual going through chemotherapy. I was one of those people who, before all of this, thought that hair loss would be one of the most difficult aspects of chemo. I was actually afraid that my head would be an incredibly abnormal shape. Luckily for me I've had ample compliments on my beautifully shaped head.
My oncology team warned me about the undesirable effects associated with the chemotherapy cocktail that I would start the very next day. It wasn't until after my previous surgery that I needed to attempt taking out three-day-old braids. My desperate attempt to undo the braids without significant hair loss, resulted in my hair brush being pulled from my head bringing a nice clump of hair with it. It was shocking to see the amount of hair without feeling no associated pulling or pain. My initial reaction was to burst into tears. I recovered quickly from it through; after shouting at Mum to contact my hairdresser immediately. A few hours later I had a hospital room full of familiar faces, balloons, cupcakes and sparkling wine to celebrate the highly-anticipated event. I'll never forget having my hair cut into a little pixie style surrounded by those who love me the most. I was worried how my family and friends would take it. I knew that people around me, would now be reminded of my diagnosis every time they looked at me. I completely underestimated the response from my family and friends, whose strength and resilience has blown me away throughout this entire journey.
I managed to get through three cycles of chemo without completely losing my hair. For some reason all the hair on my body was determined to cling on for dear life. It wasn't until completing my third cycle of chemo that I decided it was time to shave it all off. It was strangely exciting having my head shaved, and I felt nothing but positive emotions. I'll admit that despite my efforts to mentally prepare myself, it took me by surprise. Bizarrely, losing my hair has turned out to be an incredibly positive experience.
When I look in the mirror I don't see a cancer victim. Others may see that, in fact I am sure that is all they see, but I don't care what they think. Strangers can stare all they want because I am not ashamed. I am not afraid to expose my weaknesses nor my experiences for public consumption in my fight against cancer. Having weaknesses doesn't make me a weak person, alternatively admitting to them and embracing them makes me stronger. I wouldn't let myself be defined by the hair on my head, instead, it gave me the opportunity to see the real me for the first time. To me, my bald head represents strength, courage and bravery. I am incredibly pleased to have conquered another hurdle on my journey.
Chi x
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