Today marks one year since I shaved my head! My cancer diagnosis startled everyone in my life, including myself. One of the first questions I asked my oncologist was if I would need chemotherapy. I was concerned that I would lose all my hair. I received a definitive yes in response. One of the most common associations with cancer and chemotherapy is hair loss. Knowing that I was going to lose my hair broke my twenty-two-year-old heart! I think that's why I was so frightened to loose mine. The thought of being so easily associated with the illness, and being the face of cancer to so many people was terrifying.
The cancer treatment would compromise my life, my health, my fertility and SO much more, but there I was crying about losing my hair. Like many other cancer patients, losing my hair seemed like a big deal at the time.
Following my first cycle of chemo, I remember being admitted to hospital with all my hair, to leave 28 days later with very little. As time continued, the treatments began to take a toll on my body. I lost hair every day, whether it was in the shower coming out in handfuls or waking up with it all over my pillow. My hair was very very thin and all I was left with was acting as a cancer disguise, something I struggled to let go of. On the 22nd April 2018, I decided it was time to get rid of it all and take back the control cancer had taken away from me. That day was full of so much love and laughter, it couldn't have been a more memorable occasion.
At the beginning, it was difficult to recognise the stranger in the mirror, but over time it got easier and I started noticing a stronger, more courageous person staring back at me. I loved that I didn't have to shave my legs, but I hated that I lost my eyebrows and eyelashes. I would spend time every morning patiently drawing on my eyebrows and applying thick coats of mascara to my remaining five or six eyelashes. It didn't look great, but it was my attempt to look normal.
I can now confidently say that it was one of the toughest experiences I've ever had to go through and at the time I was so focused on it as an insecurity that it never left my mind. But looking back at photos taken during treatment I'm like WOW, I am so incredibly proud of that girl! I learned many things when I shaved my head, but perhaps the best life lesson I learned is that hair is just that: hair. It doesn’t define me, instead, it forced me to truly embrace it. It's something that reminds me of all the things I've lived through to get me to where I am today.
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